Forget stage fright, where is the 1–2–1 practice in education?

XPAT

Today I was speaking to a friend and the subject came up about his involvement in a not for profit public speaking program. New Jersey Orators, Inc looks to “improve the public speaking skills of New Jersey children between 7 and 18 years of age, thereby, increasing their self-confidence, academic success, leadership skills and ability to maximize career choices and academic success.” I love the idea and the fact that they are operating in addition to what might already be available in the mainstream education system.

Being an introvert I am sure being pushed further by such a program would have done wonders for me in my current years. The public school I attended had no public speaking program whatsoever—though on a practical matter I probably would have chosen the dentist over doing this anywhere. At the same time I ponder if we are not missing a more important piece of the puzzle for success when it comes to speaking and listening skills. One to many is useful when looking to communicate your ideas effectively, sitting in an audience (many to one) is what children do every day in a classroom, but for 1–2–1 skills there might be a gap larger than what is serviced by a debate club type of experience.

Meeting interesting people can almost be shifted into saying meeting people is interesting. True, a smaller subset seem have a treasure chest of known experiences to grow on but everyone has a story to be told. Whether it is a warning for others, an example to strive towards, or just another point of view to connect to, I believe if you master the skill of the one to one then you have the key to solve all of the world’s problems. It is your chance to learn, to teach, to brainstorm, and to grow all in one moment.

There have been books written on small talk — that polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions — that drive me nuts. I have seen situations where a successful person is in the room and people are afraid to approach. Yes, it is easier to talk about how you are a fan of their work, or right-hook into the obvious subject they are known for, however, I believe the more important talk lies somewhere in between. When you are able to ask a meaningful question and have someone pause in thought saying, “No one has ever asked me that before…” then you know you are on the right track to a conversation that will stick with you for perhaps the rest of your life.

We all need a skill set to help us find, and open, the doors we do not even know exist when we begin a conversation. We need the ability to explore the true unknown as if we were the old world settlers of what is now America traveling west without the knowledge and preconceptions of what we might find. Some reading this might latch on to this analogy and link to what was done to the Native Americans while this unknown became the known from the perspective of the settlers. Indeed you will face choices of judgment on every path you explore and the challenge will be if you have the skill set to try on those shoes knowing you do not have to buy them. To understand why they work, or worked, for someone else and to perhaps, if you are lucky enough, to invite them to try yours on risk free as well.

With all of the focus on public speaking and debate is there something more important the education system is missing? If we are not learning and growing then we are dying. Does osmosis give us all the skill required for this type of communication or is something more focused needed to produce better results in the ever-accelerating world around us? Something to think about…

After writing the above I supported a campaign on Kickstarter for CONNECT. It is a deck of cards based on the idea that real connection comes down to the quality, and order, of the questions that we ask. You can learn more about the cards here.

(Originally posted on Medium)