Quite a few years back when crewing an Anthony Robbins event I had the chance to meet Gary King who was Tony’s Director of Security and is now his Road Manager. Crewing a Robbins event is actually an event in itself. Outside of seeing Tony on stage, which some crew members never get the chance to do, there is a lot of learning going on within the crew — some formalized and some not. It was there when I learned about Gary’s “The Power of Truth” effort which I found quite interesting. I connected with his mantra because I believe I live the life he promotes and I remember posting his information in some long lost place on the internets. A comment came back from someone I knew who thought it odd that someone could even make a business out of the subject of telling the truth. Not so much that he did not agree as well but rather just the odd concept of having a business to promote this lifestyle. (as seen from someone not a native to the United States — assuming that fact even makes a difference)
Over the months, and most likely years, since that event the subject of truth has circled in my thoughts in a slightly different light after spending time with Gary. I have never been through any of his programs but even the short time crewing together gave me at least a glimmer of a reference to shift my own thoughts with a little more perspective. To add to this reference I was recently listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast where he mentioned the book “Lying” by Sam Harris. Just the title alone got me, and the note of it being a short book made it a priority in the queue as well.
I am not going to make any attempt to review points in the book, which I highly recommend reading, or say Gary’s programs are the answer to your life’s woes — however, I do submit the idea that a massive change in your life can come from the simple concept of being both honest with yourself and those around you. In the “world according to me”, a phrase I use when I am sure there are equally valid counter opinions, I see the art of lying being taught to kids everyday. A child wants to play with your iPhone, or turn on the TV, when he is not allowed to so I hear people say they are ‘broke’ when everything is in perfectly fine working order. If other things are off limits then stories are made up that are frankly so bizarre I wonder where the imagination comes from to get them out of the brains of parents — stories that would send a feature script right into the reject bin because they are so implausible. When someone dies, or has a serious illness, it is common to tell a child lies to “protect” them from the truth until they are old enough to handle it. Maybe you have heard the threat of, “if you do not stop that right now we are going to leave,” without the possibility of actually leaving ever being real. Worse yet, I have seen some parents use ‘reverse psychology’ to get their children to do what they want them to do by telling them to do the opposite — now, tell me, how does that rewire a growing brain to understand forward psychology (if there is such a term)?
Of course when those children grow up to be parents, or even when interacting with other adults, some of those manipulations manage to come out in everyday life. As with anything one needs to understand where practical limits are. You will see me telling people “not to smile” when it is obvious that I am wanting them to smile for a photo. The involuntary reaction is priceless, everyone is ‘in’ on the joke, and I do not consider it lying. On the flip side I have attempted to cut back on the brutal honesty I sometimes show when, for example, given a gift that I would never use — and now after reading Sam’s book I wonder if that is actually a problem to cut back on but rather an opportunity for deeper communication.
The larger question for me is how much control one has in really changing a way of life once wired in a particular way. Change is usually best taken incrementally. Built on over time to grow a palace stone by stone. However, if one is stuck on the side of falsity it doe not seem practical to ease into a life of truth. Maybe for this paradox Gary does have the answer — The The 24 Hour Truth Challenge®. For one day, you decide to tell the truth. You don’t lie to yourself or anyone else,” says Gary, “This causes a shift in your consciousness; you are now paying attention.”
Somewhat off subject, and probably just as transformational, is eliminating complaints from our everyday life. Will Bowen has a simple strategy to give this a try. It is a ‘product’ he calls Complaint Free Bracelets. Simply put the bracelet on either wrist and every time you complain switch it to the other wrist. (Hint, you can do the same thing with any type of bracelet) The goal is to go 21 consecutive days without complaining or switching the bracelets. Hmm… maybe Gary, or someone else, should sell ‘Truth Always’ bracelets — if you ever see someone switching those on their wrists it would be a guaranteed interesting conversation!
(Originally posted on Medium)