Not returning calls, not being on time, not having enough money, being too old, being too young, being too fat, everything is too expensive, people are getting stupider, all this processed food is killing us, crime is out of control, today’s music is all derivative trash, always blaming someone else — in other words complaining. Sound familiar?
As with Gary Vaynerchuk, one of the few things I complain about is complaining. To quote a fictional character:
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole. — Raylan Givens
Obviously complaining is not the only thing that can put someone in this category but it is pretty high up there. For this story I am going to keep it simple with only two places to look if you find yourself complaining — both of which are taken from the book: “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.
#1 Personal Discipline
Discipline starts every day when the first alarm clock goes off in the morning. I say “first alarm clock” because I have three, as I was taught by one of the most feared and respected instructors in SEAL training: one electric, one battery powered, one windup. That way, there is no excuse for not getting out of bed, especially with all that rests on that decisive moment. The moment the alarm goes off is the first test; it sets the tone for the rest of the day. The test is not a complex one: when the alarm goes off, do you get up out of bed, or do you lie there in comfort and fall back to sleep? If you have the discipline to get out of bed, you win — you pass the test. If you are mentally weak for that moment and you let that weakness keep you in bed, you fail. Though it seems small, that weakness translates to more significant decisions. But if you exercise discipline, that too translates to more substantial elements of your life.
Sometimes the issue we face is attacking what we think of as simple problems with ineffective solutions. The trouble with getting out of bed and being on time for your day is it seems like a simple problem — just set an alarm. What if, however, that first alarm is not working? Maybe you need more firepower to make that first goal happen.
On a serious note — more firepower does not necessarily mean a louder version of what you are already doing. In fact, it could mean what you are doing is using the wrong tactic. If your ‘mosquito’ is literally getting out of bed perhaps you need to find a way to kill it before it is born. Maybe you need to get nudged at the right point in your Sleep Cycle. As written in Less Doing, More Living: Make Everything in Life Easier by Ari Meisel:
You can also play around with very basic concepts of sleep timing. The idea behind sleep timing is simple. The general sleep cycle is 1.5 hours, and you want at least three cycles per night. If you don’t get enough, or if you wake up in the middle of a cycle, you won’t feel well rested. To find out when you need to go to bed, you can work backward from the time when you wake up, then add fifteen minutes to fall asleep. For example, if you need to get up at 5:30 a.m., then subtracting 1.5-hour intervals takes you to 4:00 a.m., 2: 30 a.m., 1:00 a.m., 11:30 p.m. You also need to add fifteen minutes for falling asleep, so to get four complete cycles, you need to go to bed at 11:15 p.m. To get five cycles, you’d go to bed at 9:45 p.m. If you’re getting enough hours of sleep but waking up groggy, it could very well be because you’re off by fifteen minutes and you’re waking up at the wrong point in the cycle. That’s an easy fix that can make a big difference.
Maybe you need a better purpose for getting out of bed. Maybe it is something else. Assuming, or perhaps better said… blaming it all on the failure of the first alarm clock, or that you are not a ‘morning person’, is not going to get you any further in life than you already are.
#2 You Are Most Likely Wrong About What You Think Is Beyond Your Control
If you pick up a copy of Jocko and Leif’s book and read only one chapter then make it the chapter 10 entitled, “Leading Up and Down the Chain of Command” Notice the title includes Leading Up the Chain of Command. If leading up, that is being in a leadership role to your superiors, is possible in of all places the military, which is known for its rigid chain of command, then what in the wide wide world of sports are you waiting for to make it happen within your own world?
Though not directly the target of the chapter this mindset also applies to ‘not being able to do anything’ because, pick one… someone is on vacation, it is the weekend, ‘they’ are not going to decide until 30 days from now, they already said no, etc. The world is moving 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is always possible to get more done towards a goal even if you are in the state of hallucination that all you can do is wait. Education, preparation, risk mitigation, options exploration, extended search for wisdom, etc. The bottom line is if you really need to get something accomplished the winners will find a way to work on a solution while the complainers complain there is nothing they can do.
This story was inspired by a book that goes far deeper into layers of extreme ownership and is well worth a read. From their website:
In Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin share hard-hitting, Navy SEAL combat stories that translate into lessons for business and life. With riveting first-hand accounts of making high-pressure decisions as Navy SEAL battlefield leaders, this book is equally gripping for leaders who seek to dominate other arenas. Jocko and Leif served together in SEAL Task Unit Bruiser, the most highly decorated Special Operations unit from the war in Iraq. Their efforts contributed to the historic triumph for U.S. forces in Ramadi. Through those difficult months of sustained combat, Jocko, Leif and their SEAL brothers learned that leadership — at every level — is the most important thing on the battlefield. They started Echelon Front to teach these same leadership principles to companies across industries throughout the business world that want to build their own high-performance, winning teams.
Stories from the Navy SEALS applied to business that, in turn, are applicable to everyday life — sounds like a formula for success. With winning strategies that worked for when the ultimate of risk was on the line — life — how far might one be able to go when the only thing at risk is personal failure? Read the book, apply the teachings, and find out the answer.
(Originally posted on Medium)